The phone started ringing as soon as I got into the shower. The dratted telephone always rang as soon as I was committed to doing something which would not let me answer the phone. There were days when I sat beside the phone and waited and waited a long time for someone to call. She did not call that day. Not even the day after. But it doesn’t matter now because she messaged me and told me it was over. I was not angry, hurt or insulted because there was nothing palpable going on for it to be over. But she prided herself on being proper. **** her!!
“Hello”
“Hello, Sir. I am calling from Kotak Mahindra……”
Click.
Lousy Bastard !
Placing the receiver gently back, I tiptoed to the bathroom hoping the floor did not get as wet as to deserve my housekeeping attention.
Turning the knob, I stood below the shower of warm water imagining I was enjoying the chilly rain on a windy hilltop. I know what you are going to say but cold water leaves me chilly.
Did I tell you that my phone is one of those ancient kinds? Never mind now. It was ringing again. I let it ring. I looked up to find a hair moisturizer owned by my room-mate. What the hell? I squeezed out a dollop. No one was watching and no one would know.
The telephone rang again. After a complete ring-out, it rang again. But I was stubborn, my will made of the toughest fibre of human emotions. I let it ring.
I was not going to let anything interfere with my time alone. Wait. This did not sound right. I meant I was not going to let anything interfere with my showering. There! You naughty good for nothing!
Just as I finished toweling myself and was feeling like a fluffed dog after a bath, the telephone rang again. With an exaggerated swagger I walked towards it and said hello with a growl in my voice. My mom wiped the floor with me for the next one hour as I hadn’t picked up her call and made her worry so much. My protestations weren’t given a chance. Just like that.
June 30, 2010
June 29, 2010
Phony Talk
Not much to post but a telephonic conversation again.
In my previous post, I hinted a little about the mortal fear of all sales guys. It is the dreaded, spine-chilling ring on the cell phone which we fear. It somehow initiates a series of emotions and reactions ranging from nausea to a head splitting migraine not mutually exclusive from the former.
We are paid for it and hence must endure it. Even if it makes us lie. A finer breed of people who excel at lying never existed. No, lawyers twist facts. And no, what politicians do is simply wrong. What we do comes with a lot of conviction with it. Lies with a flat tone and a straight face does not hold water. However, lies with a lot of other known facts, puppy eyes, earnest display of honesty go a long way.
Getting accustomed to such a thing is not a good thing. It is something of a double edged sword and One has to be very careful with this.
As a matter of fact, today my colleague 'SM' was not very careful. He was trying to avoid calls from a customer who immediately needed an elusive piece of data. SM's cellphone was merrily buzzing every 5 minutes or so, much to his dislike.
After some time, a senior who witnessed this, waltzed in offering his advice." Just tell him you arent in office. Give him the data tomorrow"
SM's face lit up. The call came again. SM recognized the number on his caller ID. He picked it up.
"Hello, Sir. I m sorry but I m not in office now."
Customer-"But this is your landline number! I couldnt get you on your cellphone, so I tried here"
Needless to say, today's evening was interesting.
In my previous post, I hinted a little about the mortal fear of all sales guys. It is the dreaded, spine-chilling ring on the cell phone which we fear. It somehow initiates a series of emotions and reactions ranging from nausea to a head splitting migraine not mutually exclusive from the former.
We are paid for it and hence must endure it. Even if it makes us lie. A finer breed of people who excel at lying never existed. No, lawyers twist facts. And no, what politicians do is simply wrong. What we do comes with a lot of conviction with it. Lies with a flat tone and a straight face does not hold water. However, lies with a lot of other known facts, puppy eyes, earnest display of honesty go a long way.
Getting accustomed to such a thing is not a good thing. It is something of a double edged sword and One has to be very careful with this.
As a matter of fact, today my colleague 'SM' was not very careful. He was trying to avoid calls from a customer who immediately needed an elusive piece of data. SM's cellphone was merrily buzzing every 5 minutes or so, much to his dislike.
After some time, a senior who witnessed this, waltzed in offering his advice." Just tell him you arent in office. Give him the data tomorrow"
SM's face lit up. The call came again. SM recognized the number on his caller ID. He picked it up.
"Hello, Sir. I m sorry but I m not in office now."
Customer-"But this is your landline number! I couldnt get you on your cellphone, so I tried here"
Needless to say, today's evening was interesting.
May 5, 2010
Wrong no.
My shortest post ever.
Tring tring. Tring tring.
Lazily, I reached over to the table to my right and picked up my phone. A strange number flashed itself in my face. Now, it is worth mentioning that I am a Sales Engineer with a reputed company (i know .. i know..) and as all my brethren do, I am mortally afraid of calls. Due to this, I remember most of the numbers who are likely to call me when there is trouble brewing in my paradise.
(But there is one more level to this. These people sometimes call from hitherto unknown numbers and catch me lying through my teeth)
Looking at this strange number amused me. I picked it up.
R - "Hello."
Anon Caller- "Hello. Jayaram"
I took this as an introduction. Dont blame me .. the tone was such.
R - "Ha Bolo."
Anon Caller- "Kya &*^*&^&%*& ". This was said in the way guys normally address each other.
R - "Excuse me..!!"
Anon Caller- "Abe.. ^*&^*^*%&$^% "
R - "I think you have dialed a wrong number" I wasn't about to lose my cool over some innocent mistake.
Anon Caller- "Huh. You are saying you are a wrong number?"
Noting the error, I was amused to no end.
What else could i reply?
"Yup. I am a wrong number."
Click.
This just happened to me .. so this is an almost live post.
Tring tring. Tring tring.
Lazily, I reached over to the table to my right and picked up my phone. A strange number flashed itself in my face. Now, it is worth mentioning that I am a Sales Engineer with a reputed company (i know .. i know..) and as all my brethren do, I am mortally afraid of calls. Due to this, I remember most of the numbers who are likely to call me when there is trouble brewing in my paradise.
(But there is one more level to this. These people sometimes call from hitherto unknown numbers and catch me lying through my teeth)
Looking at this strange number amused me. I picked it up.
R - "Hello."
Anon Caller- "Hello. Jayaram"
I took this as an introduction. Dont blame me .. the tone was such.
R - "Ha Bolo."
Anon Caller- "Kya &*^*&^&%*& ". This was said in the way guys normally address each other.
R - "Excuse me..!!"
Anon Caller- "Abe.. ^*&^*^*%&$^% "
R - "I think you have dialed a wrong number" I wasn't about to lose my cool over some innocent mistake.
Anon Caller- "Huh. You are saying you are a wrong number?"
Noting the error, I was amused to no end.
What else could i reply?
"Yup. I am a wrong number."
Click.
This just happened to me .. so this is an almost live post.
May 2, 2010
Epilogue
I was waiting. Fear coursed through me creating a small tingling sensation on the far end of my spinal column. It was time. I knew it in my gut. But the chimes from the clock on the central tower weren’t coming.
Coz at 5 o’ clock, I was supposed to be taken to the gallows and hung until I was dead, as the judge put it. I felt no malice against the Judge as Judges are honorable men. But something about his smug smile irked me. How can a man be happy putting an end to another man’s life? There was something to it. If only I could figure it out.
The afternoon meal was the not the usual. The bastards knew how to treat a man to his last meal. The portly warden looked on while I tried to not look at or smell the food I was dished. Life is always better on the outside of the looking glass. I wondered how he would feed his face on that fare if I could somehow trade places with him.
Presently, solitude was the only thing I had. Already the sands of time, for me, were running low. Any chance of escaping was nonexistent. The guards couldn’t be bribed. There is not much you can bribe with when dressed in a sack. I couldn’t understand their language and they didn’t bother to understand me. Hand signals were the only medium. At first, I must have been rude, I think. Looking at the stump where my middle finger had been on the right hand, I couldn’t even remember when all of this had started.
The bare metal bed felt cold on my skin. I couldn’t remember why I was here. I was supposedly in solitary from the beginning, supposed to have done something horrendous. The only thing I remember from that life is that I was itchy. An itch that did not want to go away.
My feet continue trembling. Why this fear? After all, I am not afraid of dying. I don’t believe there is an end. The material body made of dust may crumble but the soul endures. Then why? Why am I sweating all over? Why am I shivering uncontrollably?
I can almost feel the breathlessness. Am I choking on my thoughts? I think I can almost feel where my neck is going to break and when and how my body is going to jerk about. Bloody Einstein !! Why cant time pass quicker and I get done with my execution. The surmounting terror is just too much to take.
Hark!! The bell’s off. The priest comes in to read me the last rites. I am being dragged away towards the gallows as I take in the last sight of the cell which was my home now for some time. I feel my heart strings tug. The horrid little hell hole actually appears quite homely to me now.
Now I am being dragged through the courtyard. Ah! Now I can see the gibbet which will hang me and where I will be sport for crows and vultures as they rend my rotting flesh.
“God be with you, son!”
What? I turned to look at the stands and saw an old man with his hands to his mouth making sure his voice reached me.
What? Is there a God? Then why does he not listen to me? Why has he let me go? Why am I at the mercy of men who declare themselves as righteous? Is faith of no avail then?
Having faith in a religion or anything for that matter is good; gives one hope. But faith can fail you at your last moments when you need it the most. As it failed me.
I choose to not have the blindfold. The noose is tightened and I am at peace finally.I finally understand that life down here is just a strange illusion. People are not what we intend them to be and we are not what we deserve to be. Though the end is imminent, I am not sorry to have lived my life on my terms.
I am at peace finally and don’t need no God to help me.
God?
Hallowed be thy name.
__________________________________
Hallowed be thy name - Iron Maiden
__________________________________
Coz at 5 o’ clock, I was supposed to be taken to the gallows and hung until I was dead, as the judge put it. I felt no malice against the Judge as Judges are honorable men. But something about his smug smile irked me. How can a man be happy putting an end to another man’s life? There was something to it. If only I could figure it out.
The afternoon meal was the not the usual. The bastards knew how to treat a man to his last meal. The portly warden looked on while I tried to not look at or smell the food I was dished. Life is always better on the outside of the looking glass. I wondered how he would feed his face on that fare if I could somehow trade places with him.
Presently, solitude was the only thing I had. Already the sands of time, for me, were running low. Any chance of escaping was nonexistent. The guards couldn’t be bribed. There is not much you can bribe with when dressed in a sack. I couldn’t understand their language and they didn’t bother to understand me. Hand signals were the only medium. At first, I must have been rude, I think. Looking at the stump where my middle finger had been on the right hand, I couldn’t even remember when all of this had started.
The bare metal bed felt cold on my skin. I couldn’t remember why I was here. I was supposedly in solitary from the beginning, supposed to have done something horrendous. The only thing I remember from that life is that I was itchy. An itch that did not want to go away.
My feet continue trembling. Why this fear? After all, I am not afraid of dying. I don’t believe there is an end. The material body made of dust may crumble but the soul endures. Then why? Why am I sweating all over? Why am I shivering uncontrollably?
I can almost feel the breathlessness. Am I choking on my thoughts? I think I can almost feel where my neck is going to break and when and how my body is going to jerk about. Bloody Einstein !! Why cant time pass quicker and I get done with my execution. The surmounting terror is just too much to take.
Hark!! The bell’s off. The priest comes in to read me the last rites. I am being dragged away towards the gallows as I take in the last sight of the cell which was my home now for some time. I feel my heart strings tug. The horrid little hell hole actually appears quite homely to me now.
Now I am being dragged through the courtyard. Ah! Now I can see the gibbet which will hang me and where I will be sport for crows and vultures as they rend my rotting flesh.
“God be with you, son!”
What? I turned to look at the stands and saw an old man with his hands to his mouth making sure his voice reached me.
What? Is there a God? Then why does he not listen to me? Why has he let me go? Why am I at the mercy of men who declare themselves as righteous? Is faith of no avail then?
Having faith in a religion or anything for that matter is good; gives one hope. But faith can fail you at your last moments when you need it the most. As it failed me.
I choose to not have the blindfold. The noose is tightened and I am at peace finally.I finally understand that life down here is just a strange illusion. People are not what we intend them to be and we are not what we deserve to be. Though the end is imminent, I am not sorry to have lived my life on my terms.
I am at peace finally and don’t need no God to help me.
God?
Hallowed be thy name.
__________________________________
Hallowed be thy name - Iron Maiden
__________________________________
April 3, 2010
God? Who?
“So what happened to your talisman? “, My mother asked me.
“What? “
“You are not wearing it. Did I not tell you how important a man Sujan Da is? ”. My mother has exalted ideals of that Godman. Petty godmen. All they do is profess to know all about you by just looking at your sweaty palm for a few minutes or perhaps drawing a lot of stars and weird characters on a chart which suspiciously looks derived from ‘Chinese Checkers’.
“My arm itches”, I said without bothering to look up. I was engrossed in a Tinkle (yeah..!! don’t roll your eyes just yet.. I can probably fish out a stack of Archies from underneath your pillow. Atleast I am contributing to an Indian cause).
“That’s no reason” My mother was shocked at my flippant dismissal of such an important subject. “It will be ok after sometime. Do not act like the child you were. I think I have had enough for a lifetime”. Ouch. Yes. I know. And she says she loves me. Go figure.
And yet it brings me to a singular point. What drives my mother to believe in God? Why have generations of people believed in God? Forgive me if I hurt your prudent sensibilities but I am an atheist. What power or what belief makes people prostrate themselves in front of stone replicas of some generally accepted appearance of a God?
Did I hear Faith in your thoughts? Are you really serious about it? The power of the mind and blah blah?
I must say that you are seriously mistaken here. What is religion? What is faith? Let us settle one fact after another. I think the stone idols are like the mascots of a local football team which in turn can be compared to a religion. Ok. Not a local football team. You can think of whatever kind of team you want to. Make sure it has some amount of fan following.
My point simply is that religion is like this team which is really big on members and which follows a similar line of thinking and social behavior. This fact is synonymous to whatever we know generally you say? Well yes. We must tread on known grounds before we venture to explore the unknown.
Let us go back a few years or rather a lot of years into the neo or paleo or other such Stone Age periods. Picture the barely clad men and women (not that intensely .. come back.. come back ..). Uncouth and manner less when viewed with our cultured eyes, this generation of people was without a general direction of progress. Mindless Hunting for men. Housekeeping and endless preening for women.
Then there emerged a guy (I mention a guy for purely demonstrative purposes. Nefertiti, Cleopatra .. see I know my history.) who wanted people to serve him or carry out his commands. This was the beginning of society as we see it now. He laid down rules that suited him or were to his well being at the start. But this would be short lived as man is capricious by nature and a revolt wouldn't have been far. But our clever guy foresaw this and tuned down at some point of time. Now he laid down a set of rules to follow and that brought the people together into a semblance of a society and a common direction of thinking and way of life.
All in all, what we believe to be religion or faith now is the indulgence of a control freak guy in our past. You may choose to differ. You are just amused now, aren't you?
So? This doesn’t explain the many diverse religions and faiths and sects? Well, there can hardly be only one clever guy. There are many clever guys. One only has to take a look at the roster of the politicians in power in our country. That roster is a veritable list of the clever people who do have some extent of the religionistic properties mentioned above. Now in case this guy ascends to another level, he may be labeled as a god. Generations which come a century later may even be pouring oil on a stone statue of that person. I hope Tendulkar doesn’t mind so much oil on him.
Do you really think Jesus was a God or that he came back from the dead? Or do you believe that whatever Ram did was not just a fantastic work of fiction? Or that Krishna really had more than 9 lives?(Doesnt that make him a Super Cat instead?). It is time and the need for a role model that has made these people immortal. The need of us common people to see good win over evil time and again.
If you do believe the above then I vote Gandalf be venerated as God. He was God if there ever was one and LOTR is as good a treatise as any other.
The Prophet Muhammed, Moses, The Buddha were all individuals who had passion for their ideas and could influence people. That they were good people and understood the need for peace and teamwork is pure coincidental. These very people could have been known by different names and we would be following them instead. It could be me? Or you? Who knows?
Who wouldnt want peace? It is but common sense. A no brainer actually. Ask yourself.
If Hitler was a wee little bit good, he would have been somewhere up there. And if you were amused before, are you livid now? "Sacrilege" The Incas cried as One.
I know the above may be a shitload of nonsense but then I am entitled to my
theories. As a matter of fact I have another one.
I am still not sure what my role is in this gigantic plan which is so assiduously attributed to God. I mean if God had a plan for me, he would have indicated it to me in some way. But then I am presuming God to be a straight forward Man. Or at least a Superior Man. Something akin to the Indestructible Man in the Watchmen Movie. The one who is a Cool Blue all over and can do anything he chooses.
But then gauging by the fact that I have not been instructed directly to do anything to fulfill some kind of a purpose, I can safely state that God is a Woman. Frightening though it is, it is but the truth.
Huh? You say. Well, think about it. I must have been given a lot of chances to prove myself or use myself in a more rewarding manner which would inevitably lead to the happiness of more than a handful of people. (How big is a handful ? Or how less is it ?). And yet I have blundered through life as blind as a beetle. (Or is it a bat?)
What I mean is, God must have given me innumerable hints, shown me a way when I was stuck. But like all men, I have not been able to read between the lines or understood what was unsaid. Typical Man behavior? But then that is what it is.
If God were a guy, I would have a pretty clear idea of what I want or what my mission here is.
Did you always want to know the source of all chaos in this world? The poverty, the hunger, the civil riots ever shake your being? You can blame it on clarity of thought. And you know Who.
Tough to digest? Deal with it.
“What? “
“You are not wearing it. Did I not tell you how important a man Sujan Da is? ”. My mother has exalted ideals of that Godman. Petty godmen. All they do is profess to know all about you by just looking at your sweaty palm for a few minutes or perhaps drawing a lot of stars and weird characters on a chart which suspiciously looks derived from ‘Chinese Checkers’.
“My arm itches”, I said without bothering to look up. I was engrossed in a Tinkle (yeah..!! don’t roll your eyes just yet.. I can probably fish out a stack of Archies from underneath your pillow. Atleast I am contributing to an Indian cause).
“That’s no reason” My mother was shocked at my flippant dismissal of such an important subject. “It will be ok after sometime. Do not act like the child you were. I think I have had enough for a lifetime”. Ouch. Yes. I know. And she says she loves me. Go figure.
And yet it brings me to a singular point. What drives my mother to believe in God? Why have generations of people believed in God? Forgive me if I hurt your prudent sensibilities but I am an atheist. What power or what belief makes people prostrate themselves in front of stone replicas of some generally accepted appearance of a God?
Did I hear Faith in your thoughts? Are you really serious about it? The power of the mind and blah blah?
I must say that you are seriously mistaken here. What is religion? What is faith? Let us settle one fact after another. I think the stone idols are like the mascots of a local football team which in turn can be compared to a religion. Ok. Not a local football team. You can think of whatever kind of team you want to. Make sure it has some amount of fan following.
My point simply is that religion is like this team which is really big on members and which follows a similar line of thinking and social behavior. This fact is synonymous to whatever we know generally you say? Well yes. We must tread on known grounds before we venture to explore the unknown.
Let us go back a few years or rather a lot of years into the neo or paleo or other such Stone Age periods. Picture the barely clad men and women (not that intensely .. come back.. come back ..). Uncouth and manner less when viewed with our cultured eyes, this generation of people was without a general direction of progress. Mindless Hunting for men. Housekeeping and endless preening for women.
Then there emerged a guy (I mention a guy for purely demonstrative purposes. Nefertiti, Cleopatra .. see I know my history.) who wanted people to serve him or carry out his commands. This was the beginning of society as we see it now. He laid down rules that suited him or were to his well being at the start. But this would be short lived as man is capricious by nature and a revolt wouldn't have been far. But our clever guy foresaw this and tuned down at some point of time. Now he laid down a set of rules to follow and that brought the people together into a semblance of a society and a common direction of thinking and way of life.
All in all, what we believe to be religion or faith now is the indulgence of a control freak guy in our past. You may choose to differ. You are just amused now, aren't you?
So? This doesn’t explain the many diverse religions and faiths and sects? Well, there can hardly be only one clever guy. There are many clever guys. One only has to take a look at the roster of the politicians in power in our country. That roster is a veritable list of the clever people who do have some extent of the religionistic properties mentioned above. Now in case this guy ascends to another level, he may be labeled as a god. Generations which come a century later may even be pouring oil on a stone statue of that person. I hope Tendulkar doesn’t mind so much oil on him.
Do you really think Jesus was a God or that he came back from the dead? Or do you believe that whatever Ram did was not just a fantastic work of fiction? Or that Krishna really had more than 9 lives?(Doesnt that make him a Super Cat instead?). It is time and the need for a role model that has made these people immortal. The need of us common people to see good win over evil time and again.
If you do believe the above then I vote Gandalf be venerated as God. He was God if there ever was one and LOTR is as good a treatise as any other.
The Prophet Muhammed, Moses, The Buddha were all individuals who had passion for their ideas and could influence people. That they were good people and understood the need for peace and teamwork is pure coincidental. These very people could have been known by different names and we would be following them instead. It could be me? Or you? Who knows?
Who wouldnt want peace? It is but common sense. A no brainer actually. Ask yourself.
If Hitler was a wee little bit good, he would have been somewhere up there. And if you were amused before, are you livid now? "Sacrilege" The Incas cried as One.
I know the above may be a shitload of nonsense but then I am entitled to my
theories. As a matter of fact I have another one.
I am still not sure what my role is in this gigantic plan which is so assiduously attributed to God. I mean if God had a plan for me, he would have indicated it to me in some way. But then I am presuming God to be a straight forward Man. Or at least a Superior Man. Something akin to the Indestructible Man in the Watchmen Movie. The one who is a Cool Blue all over and can do anything he chooses.
But then gauging by the fact that I have not been instructed directly to do anything to fulfill some kind of a purpose, I can safely state that God is a Woman. Frightening though it is, it is but the truth.
Huh? You say. Well, think about it. I must have been given a lot of chances to prove myself or use myself in a more rewarding manner which would inevitably lead to the happiness of more than a handful of people. (How big is a handful ? Or how less is it ?). And yet I have blundered through life as blind as a beetle. (Or is it a bat?)
What I mean is, God must have given me innumerable hints, shown me a way when I was stuck. But like all men, I have not been able to read between the lines or understood what was unsaid. Typical Man behavior? But then that is what it is.
If God were a guy, I would have a pretty clear idea of what I want or what my mission here is.
Did you always want to know the source of all chaos in this world? The poverty, the hunger, the civil riots ever shake your being? You can blame it on clarity of thought. And you know Who.
Tough to digest? Deal with it.
January 12, 2010
About time?
I have a perennial cough. Dry cough. Horrible cough. Coughing fits. The whole stuff.Trademark of a smoker.
But I do not smoke that much. At least that is what I think. Compared to my friends, I am well off. I smoke the lighter cigarettes and that too an average of 6 a day. After breakfast, after lunch, around 1530 hours and then after some light snacks around 1800 hours. Then two more with my friends at the 'Adda'. Thats it. 6.
My father keeps on hinting,"I had the same problem at your age. But look at me now. I have better health.". I just nod my head and slither back to my room.
All of this week I am suffering from common cold. Last night, my nose did not want to relent and let any air pass. In a bid to feel some air, I deliberately induced sneezing. I sneeze monster sneezes which shake up my whole being. And I find it funny.
As I was coughing up the phlegm, through my blurred vision (yes, I am practically blind without glasses) I could make out some lines of red in it. Putting it down to a mistake I tried it again and sure enough there was some more red.
I panicked. Was I coughing up blood? Was I terminally sick? But how can this be? I have been sparing with the damn cigarettes.
I had to be sure. So this time, I put my glasses on for a clearer view. I sneezed a couple of more times to coax the phlegm to come out. (This is potentially dangerous for people, as blind as bats, who do not have back up glasses and experience monster sneezes.). Sure enough, blood laced phlegm came out. This was serious. I was in trouble.
Had I already fucked myself up more than I had bargained for? I needed help. How was I going to break this news to my parents?
I was steadily losing my nerve when I felt a small prick on the underside of my tongue. I checked it immediately and found it bleeding. In the process of sneezing, my poor tongue had nicked itself against my fangs(:D).
I laughed. Relieved.
Was it a sign?
But I do not smoke that much. At least that is what I think. Compared to my friends, I am well off. I smoke the lighter cigarettes and that too an average of 6 a day. After breakfast, after lunch, around 1530 hours and then after some light snacks around 1800 hours. Then two more with my friends at the 'Adda'. Thats it. 6.
My father keeps on hinting,"I had the same problem at your age. But look at me now. I have better health.". I just nod my head and slither back to my room.
All of this week I am suffering from common cold. Last night, my nose did not want to relent and let any air pass. In a bid to feel some air, I deliberately induced sneezing. I sneeze monster sneezes which shake up my whole being. And I find it funny.
As I was coughing up the phlegm, through my blurred vision (yes, I am practically blind without glasses) I could make out some lines of red in it. Putting it down to a mistake I tried it again and sure enough there was some more red.
I panicked. Was I coughing up blood? Was I terminally sick? But how can this be? I have been sparing with the damn cigarettes.
I had to be sure. So this time, I put my glasses on for a clearer view. I sneezed a couple of more times to coax the phlegm to come out. (This is potentially dangerous for people, as blind as bats, who do not have back up glasses and experience monster sneezes.). Sure enough, blood laced phlegm came out. This was serious. I was in trouble.
Had I already fucked myself up more than I had bargained for? I needed help. How was I going to break this news to my parents?
I was steadily losing my nerve when I felt a small prick on the underside of my tongue. I checked it immediately and found it bleeding. In the process of sneezing, my poor tongue had nicked itself against my fangs(:D).
I laughed. Relieved.
Was it a sign?
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